A recent article in Vanity Fair boasts, “Jason Momoa, Lenny Kravitz, and Lisa Bonet have Mastered the Modern Divorce,” and goes on to discuss how the self-professed bros are the best of friends despite Momoa being married to Kravitz’ ex-wife, Lisa Bonet.
A truly modern family. We are not sure ex-spouse friendship rings are for everyone, but Bonet, Momoa, and Kravitz sure got something right…a modern approach to their relationships (or at least one that is making plenty of headline news!)
The modern marriage is becoming less and less about traditional roles, and more about compromise and equality between marriage partners. A marriage is about merging two lives. And with that, merging assets, planning for the future, and choosing a person to be your closest relative. Your spouse is the person you choose to share your life, whom you designate to inherit from you, and who will make decisions for you in the event you are unable to do so. Mastering the modern marriage is all about setting the stage for these and other important life decisions.
Modern pre-wedding preparation must include more than flower choices and cake flavors. We all love cake!! But we, as human beings, also love knowing that important life decisions are in our control. Pre-wedding prep should always include sensible legal counseling to build a foundation that enables choices that align with what couples really want.
Wills, for example. Every couple should have a will. Not out of a fear of death, but for estate planning. A will designates where assets will go. Without a will, a couple’s assets can end up in probate court and sit there for YEARS.
Children? Who will be a child’s caretaker in the event that a couple is no longer able to care for the child?
Surgery. In the event of a standard surgical procedure or in an emergency, a patient’s spouse is responsible for making any decisions that need to be made when the patient cannot make them (i.e. under anaesthesia). Oftentimes someone other than the spouse would be a better decision-maker. An understandably emotional spouse is very often unable to make the best choice, or the choice that the patient expressed before 'going under'. Sometimes another family member has medical expertise and is known by the couple to be the better decision-maker...the responsibility still falls on the spouse. In any event, unless medical decisions or designated decision-makers are specified in a living will or medical proxy, any harrowing medical choice is left to a distraught spouse.
Pets? Who will take the dog in the event of a split?
Couples need to think beyond the party. Life happens after the party, and so do life decisions. It’s not only about a prenup, which is also important, but about SENSIBLE, real-life legal conversations that each couple should have before they marry. Celebrate and dance and have cake, and maybe trade BFF skull rings, but master the modern marriage by preparing for a successful future!
Kathleen Linnane is the Managing Partner of Linnane & Associates. Check back for our weekly blog updates about current legal issues of interest, and how changes and updates to the law might affect you and your community.